Happiness Is Always an Option – We Just Have to Choose It
- Charles "Ghost" Coutts
- 1 minute ago
- 6 min read
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” Marcus Aurelius
(Opinion, Philosophy) For informational and educational purposes only. It's just something to think about.
I was hot, sweaty, and beat down. Life had me feeling like a victim of everything that kept going wrong. One afternoon, I took my mountain bike out on the trails just to burn off some stress. The sun was brutal. When the path dipped under an old railroad bridge, I stopped in the shade, splashed creek water over my head, and tried to catch my breath.
When I turned back to my bike, I saw it—scrawled across the concrete foundation in faded red spray paint among all the other graffiti:
Not the actual bridge. AI generated
I scoffed. “Yeah, right.” Then I rode on, carrying all of my misery with me.
But those words wouldn’t leave me alone. They kept popping up in my head for days, weeks, even years. At first, I thought it was naive. I was deep in victim mode back then—blaming circumstances, other people, “the way things are.” I believed I was just along for the ride, powerless to change much. I had no idea that simple sentence was about to cause a seismic shift in my mind.
Looking back, I was making the same mistakes a lot of us make. I was the cause of most of my own unhappiness, and I just didn’t want to admit it.
The Hard Truth We All Avoid
Here’s the simple reality I eventually had to face: Outside of true non-controllables—like natural disasters or other people’s choices—most of the problems we deal with are self-inflicted. We create them through our own actions or inactions. If there were no human beings, there would be no human-created problems. That’s a jagged little pill to quote Alanis Morrisette.
Many of us understandably do everything possible to avoid swallowing it. We blame the economy, our boss, our past, our partner, society—anything but ourselves. We keep doing the same things (complaining, avoiding hard choices, dwelling on what we can’t change) and expect different results. That loop doesn’t just keep us stuck. It makes everything heavier over time.
I know this because I lived it. I spent years bellyaching about things I couldn’t control while neglecting the things I could. The result? More stress, more resentment, and less peace. The craziest part? It was all preventable. I was the one keeping myself there. A jagged pill indeed!
That goes for all of us in a general sense. The only thing that keeps us where we are is ourselves. The good news is this: the first step to fixing any problem is admitting the problem exists. Once I stopped pointing fingers and owned my part, real change became possible. Not automatic! That acceptance of responsibility was just the beginning, because with all responsibility comes work. Lots and lots of work! Which is, of course, a major reason people avoid responsibility in the first place. It's the work they want to avoid.
My Simple Tool for Everyday Life (Give it a try)
I handle life the same way I handle my household budget. Two clean columns:
Non-Controllables: These are the fixed things—rent, utilities, other people’s attitudes, traffic, the weather, things that simply exist. I take care of what needs doing, then I let them go. I don’t spend the days in between due dates pissing and moaning about them. It changes nothing and only steals my peace.
Controllables: This is my part. My effort, my attitude, my daily choices, my responses, and the energy I give to people who are worth reaching. This column is where I am the cause, and I get to shape the effects. Meaning I also accept responsibility for the consequences of those effects. That is a very good motivator to keep us making good decisions with good outcomes.
Most of our unhappiness comes from pouring too much attention into the first column and neglecting the second. When I flipped that—handling the uncontrollables quickly and focusing on what I could actually change—things started getting better. Not overnight, but steadily.
I apply this mindset to people as well. Some individuals are open to growth and responsibility, while others are not. Once I identify who is who, I stop expending my limited energy trying to reach those who are unreachable. I prefer to invest my energy in areas I can control, where it can have a positive impact. Otherwise, it becomes a mere drain on resources with no return. Time is our most valuable asset, and I believe wasting it is unwise, so I strive to avoid doing so. This approach isn't meant to be unkind; it's simply a recognition that if someone chooses not to listen, that's their decision, not mine. I do not stop just because they do. Know what I mean? Progress waits on no man!
Choosing Happiness Means Doing the Work
That faded red graffiti was right. Happiness is always an option. But choosing it doesn’t mean slapping on a fake smile and pretending everything’s fine. It means getting off your ass and doing the opposite of whatever you’ve been doing that’s kept you stuck and unhappy.
It means:
Stopping the blame game and owning your controllables.
Redirecting your energy away from endless complaining.
Making different decisions, even when they feel uncomfortable at first.
I’m not saying this as some guru who’s always had it figured out. I’m just a regular guy who was once right where many of you are—unhappy, making bad choices, playing the victim, letting life happen to me instead of taking the wheel. If I hadn’t made the conscious decision to change and then actually put in the work, I’d probably still be there. This is a good place to also admit that I have not "mastered" any of this, I fail all the time, I am human, imperfect. I may know what to do, but I still struggle with doing it sometimes, and so will you. Everyone will because again, we are human. So make sure you do not set unrealistic goals for yourself, which promote failure. Accept the fact that you will fail a lot! This is an area where the destination is unachievable. We can never be perfect. The meaning is in the effort to change and keep improving, always moving forward towards that goal of becoming the best version of yourself. Not perfect, but the best you can be at any given moment.
The beautiful part? It’s all changeable. The pain, the cycles, the self-sabotage—they’re unnecessary. We human beings can be our own worst enemies, but we don’t have to stay that way. We choose to.
Your Next Step (Take Action!)
This week, try something simple. Grab a piece of paper or open a note on your phone and make two columns for one area that’s been weighing on you—work stress, a relationship, money worries, whatever it is.
Label them Non-Controllables and Controllables. Be honest about what goes where. Handle the first column quickly. Then ask yourself: What small thing can I do differently in the second column starting today?
That single exercise won’t fix everything, but it starts shifting the cause-and-effect chain in your favor. Better decisions create better outcomes. It’s that straightforward.
If you want to explore more on your own, here are a few straightforward books that helped me keep it practical:
You don’t need complicated theories or perfect conditions. You just need to decide, then get off your ass and do the work. No one else is going to do it for you—and that’s actually the empowering part. It was for me anyway. Everything I write about is based on my own experiences; I lived it.
Happiness is always an option. We just have to choose it—by owning our controllables and changing what we can change.
There is no time like the present to get started. It all circles back to the same place, does it not? Choices! If the ones we are making now are not making us happy, then the solution is to make different choices.
Common sense is the most powerful tool we have, but only if we use it.
Want to dig deeper?
Stoicism, or Stoic Philosophy, was where I found the tools I needed to achieve my milestones. Perhaps you will too. Don't let philosophy like Stoicism scare you; it's all pretty much based on good old-fashioned common sense. You understand more than you give yourself credit for.
Comments